I Said Meanwhile

A Christmas tradition

2008-12-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

My annual Christmas wish list...

When in doubt this year, money is always good. Kitchen renovations will break us:

Most wanted item... Guitar hero world tour... the band version, cause what's a world tour without drums?

New Michael Chabon book "Maps and Legends"

Itunes gift certs

Pajama pants like these

Ae gift certs for new jeans

Scarves and hats... nice ones...

Ipod docking station, a small one for work, in this genre

A travel ipod dock in this genre

Massage gift cert

Tennis lessons... preferably given by him, but that might be asking too much

New skates

New new balances

World peace... or a non-Conservative majority government... but I think those two are interchangeable.

Best Canadian joke ever. EVER!

2008-11-05T13:06:00.000-08:00

I love the crazy Canadian jokes on HIMYM.

Robin: “Blue line” is kissing, “red line” is getting naked and I think “in the crease” pretty much speaks for itself. After that, my relationship with my dad pretty much went north. I moved in with my mom, grew my hair out and became a Canadian pop star; you know, normal stuff.

Of course I also feel a particular attachment to this quote from Barney (substituting "dudes" of course):

Speaking of who he wants to avoid running into:

“People of the chicks-I-banged persuasion.”

Streetcar tracks 1, Robert 0

2008-10-06T12:29:00.001-07:00

Not the best picture, but it gives you the gist.

While riding my bike home in the early am from nuit blanche this past weekend, I had a little accident.

I was motoring along quite quickly, due to the cold, and a group of drunk revelers stumbled in front of me. I swerved to dodge them and got my bike tire caught in the streetcar track. Head first over the handle bars, face directly into the sidewalk.

All I can say is ouch. And that it looks worse than it feels.

At least the rest of the night was awesome.

Sometimes my job is just not right

2008-09-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Turn the page in some disclosure today to read:

Q: Can you tell me?

A: He licked my pee pee.

Q: He licked your pee pee?

A: And he showed his dickie to me. I'll tell Teddy what happened next (whispers to Teddy Bear. Inaudible).

Q: His dickie was long?

A: Yes.

GROSS! And that feeling of being punched in the gut. I need to take a shower just reading that.

People should just know better

2008-09-17T11:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people should just know better.

It only takes one action to show you just how selfish and incredibly thoughtless someone can be. And when you literally least expect it.

I guess I was asking for too much: expected too much. So it shouldn't be surprising that I was disappointed. But it still is.

One more push toward pessimism I guess. And an opinion of people that I don't know I will be able to come back from. Not a loss of trust exactly, just a fundamental change in a relationship that is unavoidable when your opinion of someone drops so drastically.

Further additions to the wish list

2007-12-12T12:14:00.001-08:00

I have been trying to keep from putting it on the list, but I cannot fight it any longer. I really, really, really want a Nintendo Wii. Although Ian seems to feel it will destroy my life, I long for one. I LONG FOR IT.

Also, a new blackberry. The pearl. From Telus. As I am a Telus type. This one. In silver. It is pretty.

Ok, and that's it.

Dear god, I am materialistic.

Further Christmas wishes

2007-12-10T12:36:00.000-08:00

I thought of some more things to add to the Christmas list, so I am adding them as they come to mind.

I want books two and three in the His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman (the Subtle Knife and the Amber Spyglass).

Some placemats for the dining room table. Definitely want something funky (but not too funky). I kind of want leather ones, or faux leather. Like Liang's.

A cool new set of dishes... open to a variety, but something like these or these. At least 8 (tee hee).

the Christmas wish list

2007-12-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

Yay Presents!

But really, since I was asked what I wanted, who am I to turn down gifts?

I need a new pair of running shoes: these are the model I like, the new balance all terrain. Size is 4E (width) and 11.5.

I also want a new alarm clock, with ipod docking station, like this one.

And a kitty. Possibly this one. Although I think Ian would leave me.

And this sweater or this sweater vest, but both would be overkill. And I prefer the vest. And this shirt. All required in XL.

AND THESE SPECTACULAR BOOTS.

I also need a new pair of skates, and a new hockey helmet, but I haven't investigated either of those.

More to come as it crosses my mind.

The Shit People

2007-09-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

We foolishly decided to cheap out and stay in a B and B with a shared bathroom. Our mistake.

Our hostess asked us to use a different bathroom than our usual one part way through our stay. There were some "elderly people" who were staying for one night and wanted a private bathroom. We agreed, because it did not matter to us, and the other bathroom was actually nicer anyway.

So we used the nicer bathroom for the day and night, as requested, and the next morning just continued to use the nicer bathroom (partly because we thought it was nicer, and partly because we didn't know when the "elderly people" were checking out).

At the end of this second day we returned to the B and B for the evening, and used the nicer bathroom to have showers. Well, Ian did anyway.

While I was using the bathroom another couple, who we had not met yet and who must have checked in on this very day, returned to the B and B and began banging on the door to the bathroom. I finished my shower, and exited the bathroom, at which time a nasty Spanish girl gave me the nastiest look ever, stared into the bathroom as if inspecting it, and then stared at me. I said "what?" in an admittedly challenging tone of voice, and she said "Nada" and stormed back to her room.

I found this all very confusing, but assumed she had requested a private bathroom and that she was just pissed that we were using hers. I returned to our room, Ian and I prepared for bed, and read a bit, and then I went to brush my teeth, this time returning to the bathroom we had used on our first day. I opened the door, turned on the light, and smelled the shit. Then I saw the shit. Wow. SHIT!

Let me try to describe it: it appeared as though the toilet was plugged with a mixture of feces, toilet paper, and decaying human hair. On top of all of this, there was a giant pile of reddish-brown feces on top of the back of the toilet seat. A pile. Like someone has stood on the toilet seat, crouched low, and left their excrement for all to see.

I was so stunned that I ran down the hall to tell Ian. I now assumed that the mean Spanish girl had, on finding me in the other bathroom, gone to this one and found that same pile of shit. This accounts for the weird look she gave me, the inspection of the bathroom, and the stupefied look on her face. I am certain I had that same stupefied look when I returned to tell Ian.

Because who wouldn't be stupefied? Who can imagine an individual, staying in a B and B, who would calmly and deliberately shit a pile of shit onto the top of a toilet seat? We can only assume it was the "elderly people", as they were the only ones staying in the B and B that day. And they were Spanish too. Thus confirming my dislike for the elderly. And the Spanish.

Roma

2007-09-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

In Rome and currently loving it. The weather is perfecto: hot in the sun, mild in the shade, and wonderful for outdoor eating in the evening.

So far we have only done a lot of walking: the Spanish steps, the trevi fountain, some churches. I did learn of a potential difficulty for my relationship though.

I have always known about the first piece of the legend of the Trevi Fountain:

If you throw a coin over your shoulder into the Trevi fountain you will
come back to Rome.

Only now have I learned of the following two parts:

Throw a second coin over your shoulder and you will fall in love
with an
Italian.
Throw a third coin, and you will marry that Italian.

On my last visit to Rome with Patricia I tossed the second coin. On this visit, while Ian was tossing his first, I tossed my third. Oops.

I guess I'll just have to hope he's as sweet and handsome as Ian is ;)

Ian's Bionic Leg

2007-04-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

Almost through our first game of the hockey tournament this weekend, and Ian fell tot he impact of an oafish, body-wrecker.

The result, a broken tibia.

He had to wait days in the hospital to get into surgery so they could stick a pin in his leg. Thankfully, the pin has greatly decreased the pain, and he is well on the road to recovery.

How I Met Your Mother does it again

2007-03-20T13:49:00.000-07:00

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney:Number ten, "The Winne-Bango."
Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck."
Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her."
Number seven, "The You Scream Truck."You Scream. (they all laugh)
Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello!
Number five, "The Ride Her Truck."
Number four, "The 18-Squeeler."
Number three, "The Esca-Laid."
Number two, "The Slam-Boney."
and...the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back...(table drumroll) "The '69 Chevy."

Happy Birthday to me and Sarah

2007-03-07T13:54:00.000-08:00

Scandalous pics of the dirty-30 birthday fun. Who let me out of the house wearing that little clothing?

Sarah's new blog!

2007-02-25T15:43:00.000-08:00

http://smallsealkostecki.blogspot.com

I was so sure my blog was google proof

2007-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

But all it took was one made-up word to undo all of that.

Google "decabration" and you get me.

I even get higher billing than the official website.

Does this mean we should be submitting a definition to wikipedia? Do we need to ensure Jeff receives appropriate credit for coining the phrase?

Thank you Shaun for introducing me to...

2007-02-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

Nick Beyeler.

All around god.

And I gotta say... wow.

Weeks like these...

2007-02-04T13:34:00.000-08:00

... cause me to wonder why i didn't become a kindergarten teacher. Or a carpenter. Or something with a slightly lower stress level.

It's official

2007-01-30T13:29:00.000-08:00

The girls are moving on out.

And that means that Ian is moving on in (and we're moving on up... to the upstairs apt. that is).

My throat only constricted a tiny little bit.

Quote of the day

2007-01-11T14:36:00.001-08:00

"It's not like people are going to stop killing each other."

--Jennifer Stanton

Oh yeah, and the list...

2006-12-30T15:42:00.000-08:00

... just in case anyone is keeping track.

1) Chris Evans (and I think Ian would join me in that)
2) Eddie Cahill
3) Matthew Goode
4) Jared Padalecki
5) Chris Klein

Close encounters with "the list"

2006-12-30T15:37:00.000-08:00

Spent the day skiing with (ok, so very near to) Jared Padalecki.

He is super cute in person and very friendly but has this strange little tiny
girlfriend (and no passion with her. You should have seen the pathetic little
kisshe have her at the end of the day after he had abandoned her on the
ski out and had to wait more than 20 minutes for her at the bottom. And
a tiny little pat on the back. ICK).

Anyway, that was my strange ski day. He has a fantastic smile. If Jen
hadn't been wearing my Dad's circa-1990 red/blue/purple ski coat, I think
I may have been able to convince her to ask him to give us a ride down the
mountain ;)

It's Christmas Eve

2006-12-24T15:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa Claus, How have you been? Did you have a nice summer? How is your wife? I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents that I want. Please note the size and color of each item, and send as many as possible. If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How about tens and twenties?

I can't wait to see this movie

2006-12-18T12:58:00.000-08:00

Another day, another reason I can't wait to see this flick. Now, how am I going to get my parents to agree to seeing it on Christmas Day?

Christian groups have slammed the remake of cult 1974 movie Black Christmas, because they find the horror movie "offensive." The Glen Morgan-directed film stars Oliver Hudson, Katie Cassidy, Lacey Chabert and Michelle Trachtenberg and centers on a group of US college students who battle a slasher over the Christmas holidays. The movie will be released on Christmas Day in US cinemas, much to the horror of
Christian groups. Mathew Staver, founder and chairman of Liberty Counsel, says, "To have a movie that emphasizes murder and mayhem at Christmas, a time of celebration and joy around the world seems to be ill founded." Jennifer Giroux, co-founder of Operation Just Say Merry Christmas, adds, "The use of religious music 'Silent Night' and the nativity set on the front porch in one scene are insensitive to Christians. It's not enough to ignore and omit Christmas, but now it has to be offended, insulted and desecrated. Our most sacred holiday, actually a holy day, is being assaulted."

Another baby

2006-12-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

It seems to be baby-having time. My friends Katrina and Patrick have a four-month old, my friends Emilie and Mike have a one-month old, and my friends Tammy and Roy have a one-week old. Dear god.

It's sort of a shock to the system, particularly some of the older friends. When I think back to when I first met Tammy, I would never in a million years have bet she would have had a baby with Roy. And five years ago I would have bet money that Katrina was going to be married to someone entirely different from her current (and wonderful, I should add), husband. Anyway, just kind of a surprise the way life sometimes turns out.

But on top of that, it sort of just reminds me of the things I am not doing. I have been in a relationship for nearly a year, and that is great, but I don't really feel like I am at the same stage in life as these couples with CHILDREN! I don't even know if I like my job enough to stick with it, and I feel like there is a lot of settling down going on around me, when what I want is to go out and make big changes.

I guess what I am trying to say is that the settling down of these great friends of mine (each of whom could someday change the world) sort of makes me doubt our ability to actually make any of that change.

Are you on the list?

2006-12-13T20:03:00.000-08:00

I have held off long enough: I must now gush about my new obsession... Heroes.

Is there really anything better to watch on tv? (That was a rhetorical question)

And I can't believe that I have to wait until Jan. 22 to see a new episode!

I guess it just speaks to my desire to have a higher purpose, a greater place in the universe, something bigger to do. Wish fulfillment on tv. Exactly what tv was designed for.

Apparently I am a disturbed human being

2006-12-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

Only days after they had announced they were forming a new company to distribute
faith-based movies, Bob and Harvey
Weinstein said that they intend to open a slasher movie called Black Christmas on Christmas
Day. On her website, L.A. Weekly columnist Nikki Finke commented: "And the
entertainment industry wonders why it continues to have a huge PR problem as
promoters of garbage? Showbiz marketing calls this counter-programming. Still, I
don't understand: just how many disturbed human beings does The Weinstein
Company and MGM think actually want to go see a gory movie on December 25th?"

Christmas is coming...

2006-12-04T16:32:00.000-08:00

... so here is my fabulous Christmas wish list.

The Phillips Norelco Bodygroom Razor

The Looming Tower: Al-Quaeda and the Road to 9/11 by Lawrence Wright

Heat by Bill Buford

Un Long Dimanche de fiancailles

Two Lives by Vikram Seth

Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

A new ipod (I can't choose between the nano and the 30 gig!!!)

Pride and Prejudice

Season 2 of Veronica Mars

MI: 3

Some kind of sleep sound machine (like one of these)

The coolest shoes in recent memory

Some new headphones

And this wicked docking station

A new camera...either digital or 35m

And just in case someone wins the lottery... THIS

Happy holidays!

It's official

2006-12-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

Ian and I are moving in together.

We have set a tentative timetable of "sometime in the spring", but it is now definitely in the making.

And I must say I am excited about it... well, excited and scared... but, there comes a time when you just have to go for it. Apparently that time is 9.5 months. At least for me.

And, officially 10 months today. Now more than triple my longest previous relationship.

Wow, have I ever been deficient in my blogging

2006-09-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

I suppose that's what having a job you like, a boyfriend, and a very active sportslife will do to you.

Well, now that the summer is over I am going to make an effort to return to my blog. Ah, how I've missed you.

Must see movie

2006-06-10T15:30:00.000-07:00

An Inconvenient Truth, the Al Gore (that's right, the former next president of the United States) documentary about global warming.

If education really is the means of change, then this is the film that everyone must see. If I could force everyone to sit at home one Sunday night and watch it, I would.

See it. Then do what you can to fix the world.

Be the change you wish to see in the world
- Gandhi

How did I ever think I could live without AC?

2006-05-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

Or, more importantly, why did none of you people tell me I couldn't live without AC? I shouldn't have to take responsibility for my own actions if I can pawn that responsibility off on someone else.

I step outside, I am drenched in sweat. I slave away in poorly ventilated courtrooms all day, I am drenched in sweat. I go to the gym, I am REALLY drenched in sweat. I haven't taken this many showers since I was a practicing catholic.

Now I have to spend my week searching for a portable AC unit that doesn't require a snug-fitting window to work properly. So much for apartments with "character".

Oww. My back.

2006-05-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

I fucked up my back at hockey yesterday. I spent today in a pretzel twist, hobbling around court, and trying not to screw up any trials.

I probably should have called in sick, but I still haven't figured out how to do that. I have a week of painful days in court ahead to deal with.

My first decision

2006-05-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

Don't read it, it's too boring. And I only got to argue costs.

Lewi v. Lewi

Didn't I promise to have a party when this came out? ;)

Reasons why not to check text messages in court

2006-05-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

Text message received in court, that I foolishly thought I would check while another Crown was arguing a plea, not really aware of the defence counsel behind me and court officer beside me:

I'm horny! Need to FUCK soon. Hope you are having a good day. ;)

I blushed a suitable shade of red and snapped my phone shut.

Criminals 1; Assistant Crown Attorney 1

2006-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

That's right. I've evened my odds. The iron fist of the law has struck back with fury. Never again will that little punk fail to attend court, or conceal a butterfly knife in a hidden pocket on the inside of his jeans, or trespass on Toronto community housing. I feel so warm and fuzzy.

Ok, well not really, but inappropriately proud of myself.

My award-winning photograph

2006-05-03T10:28:00.000-07:00

Is now available for viewing. Check it out at the photo-marathon site. There are also some other great pics, so take time to check out all of them if you can.

Look for me to defend my title in the fourth photo-marathon next winter.

Cosmic punishment

2006-05-01T20:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what my crime was, but the penance is undeniable.

I recently joined the YMCA in downtown Toronto, in an effort to return to healthier form. However, it turns out the Y is stocked with a roster of my former boyfriends/dates/random shags, and I am spending more time ducking them than actually working out.

I have always made fun of my friend Jeff for his unfortunate run-ins with boys from his past, usually while at the bar dancing and drinking, but now I am feeling my own sting. And it is so much worse because it is the gym (and involves group showering).

It is almost enough to put me off the gym, but I have decided that I must persevere--must maintain my good intentions in the face of discouraging circumstances.

And, at least I had the benefit of seeing one former date (who blew me off after the first date) in the shower the other day, and discovering just how little I had missed out on in continuing that relationship ;)

Stick It

2006-04-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

Call me.

Stalk you.

The world according to Barney

2006-04-24T21:08:00.000-07:00

I really can't help myself, I just have to reprint this for mass consumption.

Originally posted on Barney's blog.

Tuesday, February 7, 2006, 2:35pm

BROCABULARY LESSON

Since the dawn of mankind, when dudes would hunt mammoth just to get away from the cave for a few hours, bros have been hanging out in chick-free, but totally awesome ways that are completely platonic and not gay at all. It's called "bro-ing out." It's akin to a "girls' night out," except that bros generally do not practice kissing and feeling each other's boobs. Bros bro-ing out are more likely to, say, patronize a fine burlesque where they can strap on a pair of bi-brocals and observe ladies engaging in just these activities.

Bro-ing out affords today's bro a welcome respite from having to rescue women from the shackles of their perpetually lusty throes. And, like many of life's more enjoyable diversions - wine, cigars, Chinese Checkers - it comes with a dialect all its own. So while the uninitiated loner may be confused by the broliferation of unfamiliar terms with which I describe my brown-up activities, the true brofessional will understand what I am bro-ing on about. And for those who don't quite get it, here's a chance to get in the bro.

(Oh, interesting fact: The bro who accompanied me on my personal bro-ings on about town this weekend? Actually a chick. A smoking hot chick. Unorthodox, but surprisingly enjoyable. And yes, I totally broned her.)

Encyclopedia Brotannica - Barney's Guide to Bronunciation
(Selected entries)

Brode
The bro code: A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him, just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare-pickle in front of her. SEE "QUID PRO BRO"

Bromosexual
A bro who's also a chick, and therefore bang-able.

Broner
Over-excitement for any bro-ing out activity. e.g. Ricky popped a broner when his friend rented out the local laser tag arena for his birthday.

Bronoculars
A safety device designed to counteract another bro's beer goggles. e.g. If it hadn't been for Sam's bronoculars, John would've totally tagged that ugmo.

The P-L-Bro
A group of bros occupying the same brocation as your own brommunity.

Bro-atia
1. A utopian bro-dom. 2. A strip club.

Brotorcycle
A motorcycle accommodating two or more gentlemen "on the bro."

OH MY GOD!

2006-04-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

Barney has a blog. I've died and gone to a creepy heaven, the likes of which most normal people cannot possibly comprehend.

On a side note, the blogger spellcheck doesn't recognize the word "blog". It suggested I might want to replace it with "bloc", or "blows". As in, this spellcheck blows.

Cell phone high five!

Quotations of the day

2006-04-24T20:24:00.000-07:00

1) Barney trying to convince Ted to hire an escort.

Barney: Please, one in every eight women in the world is a prostitute.

Marshal: You just made that up.

Barney: Withdrawn.

Marshal: You've been lawyered.

2) Barney after he confesses to Lily and Marshal that the girl he told Ted was a hooker is not, in fact, a hooker.

Barney: If you don't laugh, it's just mean.

Criminals 1, Assistant Crown Attorney 0

2006-04-24T20:16:00.000-07:00

I lost my first trial today. It was kind of a stinker: fail to attend court and I didn't have the officer who had given notice, or the clerk of the court, but heck, I need the experience.

It's just annoying when they get off on technicalities.

At least I am no longer a trial virgin.

I can now call myself an award-winning photographer

2006-04-23T17:54:00.000-07:00

So I won a prize in the photomarathon--third place in the category "Power". I took a shot of a boy in a leather S & M collar, with another guy holding onto the collar in a very masculine manner. It wasn't my favourite of my photos (that would be this great shot of a drag queen I took for the theme "Kiss") but heck, who am I to scoff at popular acclaim?

My adventures in taxi-land continue

2006-04-14T09:46:00.000-07:00

I shadowed on an assault trial this week with one of my favourite Crowns, Karen. And as the accused came into court, I of course turned to get a good look (gotta keep a mental log after all). And who did I see before the court? One of my frequent taxi drivers.

All through the trial he kept smiling at me. Until the judge convicted him that is.

He had served two weeks pre-trial custody, and had no record, so he got probation. I think I'll be walking to work for a while.

The 24-hour photo marathon

2006-04-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

So Jeff and I got it into our heads to compete in the 24-photo marathon this past weekend... and boy, am I tired.

The basic premise is this: 24 hours to take 12 photographs, one of each of the following themes - Power, - Trade, - Birth, - Red, - Choice, - Crowd,
- Kiss, - Affluence, - Patience, - Human, - Magic, - Mother Earth (that's right, mother fucking earth). The photos are then displayed anonymously at the Gladstone on April 22, 2006 (mark your calendars), and voted upon.

The contest was good, but I am way out of practice. Kind of makes me wonder how much my life has changed since going to law school. I used to spend a lot of time on photography, art, acting, singing... and I seem to have let a lot of that get away from me. Sure the demands of work are partly to blame, but I think part of it might just be a loss of that part of me that used to care about creating. And that's the part that's sad.

Apparently, I'm over-critical

2006-04-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Or so I've been repeatedly told in snappish, angry tones for the past few days... well, by one particular person anyway.

I often wonder about the long-time compatibility of people: not just relationships, but even friends. Some people are just fundamentally different, I guess. What I consider to be a mere observation about my thought process, others take as criticism.

And that's just a friend! What do you do with the actual relationships? People you are pseudo-contractually obligated to be around (or at least don't always know well enough to have it out with in the early stages)?

Alright, I've lost the stream. Maybe it's just springtime hormones.

I love a good success story

2006-04-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

The first isaidmeanwhile letter-writing campaign was a raging success. To wit, see Jennifer's new and improved blog inthe links to the right.

Now I just need a new cause to champion. Like the distribution of mini eggs year round.

The first I Said Meanwhile letter-writing campaign

2006-03-28T16:24:00.000-08:00

My dear friend Jen Liang has been entertaining me with a delightful blog. Due to the interference of a certain ugly cow/hosebeast/whorebag (take your pick), she has decided to end her blog.

I request that all of my loyal readers who would like to see the return of her blog (entitled "cocovibes"), if only for my own happiness, to post on here those wishes. Hopefully, together we can turn the tide and have her happily blogging random quotes again in no time.

Sometimes it takes a Calgarian...

2006-03-28T16:20:00.000-08:00

... to really sum up our Toronto.

Toronto vs. Calgary by Chris Koentges.

Worth a read for anyone who overthinks their life in any city.

Never a dull moment in court

2006-03-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

Crown Attorney: So you have done drugs with your son?

Mother: No. Well, yes. I'm not going to lie. Sorry, I'm just a bit nervous.

Crown Attorney: So you give your son drugs?

Mother: No.

Crown Attorney: So he gives them to you?

Mother: No.

Crown Attorney: Then, where do they come from when you do them together?

Mother: We each have our own.

Crown Attorney: So you condone your son doing drugs?

Mother: Well, no. I mean, I don't want him to do them. But what can I do?

Crown Attornney: Perhaps not lighting his joint might be a good start?

Jess complained about my lack of posts

2006-03-25T15:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I can't put it any better than the Strokes...

Right, wrong, what to do?
Someday it will come to you
Hostile indians
We named our summer camp for you

I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I'm in utter dismay
I've got nothing to say

Harmless children
We named our soldiers after you
Don't be a coconut
God is trying to talk to you
We could drag it out
But that's for other bands to do

I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to give
Got no reason to live
But I will fight to survive
I've got nothing to hide
Wish I wasn't so shy

I'd like to watch
I'd like to read
I'd like a part
I'd like the lead

But
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to say
I've got nothing to give
Got no reason to live
But I'll kill to survive
I've got nothing to hide
Wish I wasn't so shy

30 countries by 30

2006-03-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

Headed for Honduras. Need some time in the sun. And very much looking forward to catching up on my reading. Plus, I have made this silly goal of visiting 30 countries by the time I turn 30.

I have lost count of exactly where I'm at now, and I'm including a few technicalities (well, mostly one), but the present list (in something approximating order of attendance) is:

1. U.S.A.
2. the Bahamas
3. Mexico
4. France
5. Switzerland
6. Monaco (technicality number 1, but there were border guards so I'm counting it)
7. Italy
8. Vatican City
9. Greece
10. Austria
11. The Czech Republic
12. Germany
13. Denmark
14. The Netherlands
15. Belgium
16. Ireland
17. Wales (technicality number 2, but heck, they have a National Assemby and their own National Anthem)
18. England
19. Scotland
20. Taiwan
21. Malaysia
22. Australia
23. New Zealand
24. Thailand
25. Japan
26. Dominican Republic
27. Hungary
28. Slovenia

This will make Honduras country number 29, leaving one more trip necessary before this year of my life is out.

Nothing else to report really. I seem to have run out of random thoughts. Could be the paint fumes from the hallway, which the building management decided to paint an unpleasant shade of green.

I think I jinxed it

2006-03-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

Brokeback Mountain that is.

I had just finished saying "Well, there were no big upsets this evening" when Jack Nicholson announced one: Crash as best picture.

Shocking, but I can't say I'm too upset. I saw Crash in September 2004 at the Toronto International Film Festival, and I loved it even then. It is an excellent film, and a great shame that Thandie Newton wasn't nominated for her role in it.

Otherwise, things went off as expected. And of course I won my own pool. As usual.

Kudos to Jeff for bringing the best food item ("Waffles and Grommit with a Strawberry Pear "Capote') and to Jennifer for best dress. And yes Sarah, Heath should have won.

Just call me "Da Man"

2006-03-03T15:17:00.000-08:00

As of March 27, 2006, I will be an Assistant Crown Attorney. Just like Law and Order, only hotter.

I'm ecstatic. Thanks to everyone who put up with my complaining.

And no, I can't do anything about your parking tickets.

So, if someone drops a wallet in the mail...

2006-03-02T15:12:00.000-08:00

... Canada Post graciously returns it to you free of charge.

Of course, missing the cash (big surprise), but it's nice to have all the ID back, particularly as I had not replaced any of it yet.

Plus the wallet itself. I love that wallet.

I will now keep it permanently chained to me.

Happy f***ing birthday

2006-02-26T20:52:00.000-08:00

I'm now 29 years old.

I am unemployed.

Single.

Own nothing.

Have more debt than a small European nation. And have not had my wallet returned.

The boy I really like didn't call me this week.

And I have mono. So I can't even say that at least I have my health.

I'm not sure who I pissed off, but if anyone can give me some idea of how to remedy the streak of life-destroying bad luck I seem to have encountered, I would be very happy to hear it.

And not so bored at work anymore

2006-02-22T08:47:00.000-08:00

In fact, just not at work anymore.

I have been looking for a new job since the start of the new year: not just any new job really, but a position as an Assistant Crown Attorney. It is not the fastest procedure, and can often take months (I've even heard years) to get into the Crown's office, so I was quite content to keep working while interviewing my way through the Crown process.

Turns out my firm was not so content to have me continue working there while looking for other work.

And the official reason? Lack of flare.

"You just don't seem very enthusiastic about family law."

"Is there a problem with my work?"

"No, no, not at all. Your work has been excellent... You just don't seem to want to jump in with a smile."

"I don't smile enough?"

"No, no... you just don't seem excited to be here."

"I have mono."

"Yeah... It's just not working out."

The real reason? It seems that the firm got wind of my not-as-quiet-as-I-thought search for the Crown job, and chose to break up with me first.

The one positive aspect is that termination without cause = severance pay. And I will now continue searching for a Crown job from the comfort of my couch.

Joanna: You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Bryan, why don't you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?

Stan: Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself.

Joanna: You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it.
[flips off Stan]

So bored at work

2006-02-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

In a very unusual state of affairs, I have run out of work to do.

We are constantly told to just enjoy downtimes as they are very infrequent, and we'll soon be head-spinningly busy again, but I am finding it very difficult to just sit around in my office doing nothing.

So I face the very difficult decision of risking looking for work (which often comes with significantly more work than one wants) or of just waiting around bored. Of course, I could just go home and sleep off my mono, but even that seems somewhat unappealing today.

Decisions, decisions.

Further adventures from taxiland

2006-02-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

It's probably a sign that I should have taken the streetcar.

But when I flagged down the Crown taxi this morning, I joked to Jen that I was taking it as a good sign of job prospects to come.

A short ride later, and I fished out my wallet to pay while the cab driver complained about Toronto's need to build buildings directly to the street and leave no room for natural habitat. While I mumbled my agreement, I balanced my coffee in one hand, fished out a $20 to hand to him and let my wallet fall into my lap. In the distraction of conversation and change making, I somehow stood up without collecting said wallet from my lap.

I stepped onto the sidewalk and thought "where's my wallet?" I immediately searched my person and came to the sinking realization that I had not collected it and it must still be in the cab... which was now driving away up University Avenue.

Wind blowing madly around me, scarf whipping me in my face, messenger bag in one hand, coffee spilling from my still-clutched cup, I did what any sensible man would do: I ran after the cab. Up the middle of University Avenue. Waving frantically for the car to stop. "If only the light at Dundas will turn red," I thought desperately. But no, the light was on his side, and he was gone.

I've already phoned three times. The good thing about looking for signs in cab company names is it makes the name easy to remember. No luck yet.

Unfortunately, I have no more business cards in my wallet. There is nothing with my phone number. What my wallet did contain was more than $160 (thanks for being so prompt with the cable money Jen), two tickets for the fantasy ball this weekend, a claim ticket for some repairs, the usual bank and credit cards, and, of course, enough identification to quite easily commit identity theft.

So much for the "sign" of the Crown taxi. Although, I suppose there is always the possibility that the universe will accept this as some sort of sacrifice and reward me with job.

At least there was one good thing today: my muffin, which I had thought was only chocolate chip/bran, turned out to be banana/chocolate chip/bran. And delicious.

To brighten my Epstein-Barr induced bad mood...

2006-02-14T08:57:00.000-08:00

... Ms. Liang was kind enough to send me this lovely tid-bit of hope for the coming year. Although I am feeling particularly cynical and doom-and-gloom centred today. Hmmm, you'd think it was valentine's day or something.

*Pisces - (Feb. 19-March 20)*
Love and travel join hands this year, Pisces. Fly to foreign lands with your mate. If you're single, look for love in airports, foreign countries, colleges, libraries, law offices, philosophy or sports clubs, places of worship, and publishing or media firms. You're electric, unpredictable and a bit impatient this decade. If you want love to blossom, show your soft side!

Wedding bells will ring for some of you this year. Ceremonies scheduled for December or the first eight months of 2007 will promote a marriage of stability, depth, and financial and practical success.

An ex-mate could trigger nostalgia, confusion, and domestic tension in March. Old flames also snag your thoughts in July and November. Your romantic courage surges in May: speak up! Late summer brings a challenging person - it could be love or hate! It's all or nothing this autumn: deep commitment, or separate paths. December into next February brings a prestigious love, or the dawn of career and business success - or both!

It's official...

2006-02-14T06:45:00.000-08:00

... I have mono. Although, I think I will instead go around claiming to have Epstein-Barr virus. Then it almost sounds like it's work related.

My mom doesn't even get out of bed anymore. And the doctor says it's Epstein-Barr. I'm like, please! It's chronic hepatitis, or at least chronic fatigue syndrome. I mean, nobody cool has Epstein-Barr anymore.

Back by popular demand...

2006-02-10T14:11:00.000-08:00

... the birthday wishlist ;)... including all of the items that were on the Christmas wishlist that nobody got around to getting me ;) Not that I'm greedy or anything...

A fantastic messenger bag, much like this one from Fluevog

Or these boots (I know, sort of wrong, but oh so right)

The new Fall Out Boy cd, From Under Cork Tree

These ridiculous converse high tops (Pining for these makes me feel like I am again in junior high... only gayer...)

"I Am Not Myself These Days" by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

"The Mind of the Modern Moviemaker" by Josh Horowitz

A new hoodie, preferably American Apparel. And in a colour.

Red wine, preferably Ravenswood Zinfandel.

Art for apartment. Actually, gift certificates for art for apartment. Not that I don't trust everyone's taste or anything...

Pretty much anything from Northbound leather.

Jared Padalecki. Possibly dressed in something from the previous item ;)

New bed sheets/pillow cases/duvet cover.

Brown knit mittens or gloves that can go with my brown scarf and toque.

New towels: big soft fluffy ones, in bath size.

Illy coffee (the espresso kind).

A good quality electric razor for the shaving of the head.

Or, and best yet, the unexpected perfect surprise present ;)

Don't forget about the birthday quadripalooza, Feb. 24, at the Brass Taps.

Love monkey

2006-02-08T09:27:00.000-08:00

Now I don't generally like to gush, but had a great date number two last night. Apparently, those advisors who suggested giving the camp boy a second chance were correct. The rest of you are blacklisted ;)

Using Ms. Liang's words, I am definitely "in like" with this boy. Of course, I am avoiding an all eggs/one basket scenario at the moment by continuing my wide dating ways. I'm certain that this will lead to future disaster (there has already been one near miss), but I'm going to keep juggling fire for a little while longer... although maybe not all the way until burning.

I'm not sure if I'm one of those people who looks for signs (call it what you will, greater connection, purpose, fate), but I certainly do seem to find them. When I'm up, the world seems full of opportunity, possibility, and those opportunities/possibilities present themselves in a row. When down, it's all down, all over. Tom Ferrall might blame it all on confidence. And I think he might be right. There is something about confidence that attracts good things: one good (confidence boosting) success leads to another, and another, etc.

Anyway, the greater reason for this connection discussion is things with Camp Boy have become temporally linked in my head with the potential new job. Both of which will become clearer with time I guess.

Until then, I leave you with the lyrics of my favourite new song (that seems to be unpurchasable at the moment... damn you Teddy Geiger for getting into my head) for thought:

You love to run
Into the arms Of anyone
Take off your shoes and socks
And stay awhile
You like the adrenaline rush
Just a little too much
You go from day to day
Hand to mouth
And wonder why You're unsatisfied
Chorus
Cause love is a marathon
That's why you get tired so fast of everyone
Slow down and pace yourself
Cause when it's good
It's a long open road

You think still
You'll find a soul behind a thrill
You're just a cat chasing your tail
Round and round
What if you relax
Something might last

Chorus

You're exhausted always coming down
Trying to come up for air
Trying to act like you just don't care
La da da, de da da

Chorus

A big day in government

2006-02-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

Harper's cabinet announced today: Check out Barb's blog for the full list (and her very witty comments).

Of note to me:

Emmerson crossed the floor this am to join the conservatives. Pretty damn sketchy right after an election. Plus, he's the guy who supposedly tried to bride Grewal to cross the floor. I think if the good people of Vancouver-Kingsway had wanted to elect a conservative, he could have run as one two weeks ago. Sketchy.

Stockwell Day is the minister of public safety. Am I the only one who finds this funny?

Clement as Minister of Health/Flaherty as Minister of Finance... I'm sorry, did someone just seal the fate of public health care? Did I miss the press conference when they announced that Harper was being replaced by Mike Harris?

Vic Towes as the Minister of Justice. This is a man who once said that people should have no right to protest/civil disobedience because they exercise their voice through voting alone. Should I just report to the internment camp now? Will it be easier on me if I make my own pink triangle at home? For a small taste of this man's unfathomable stupidity (or at least complete lack of understanding of the Canadian legal system) read this article on marriage. Unless you're prone to fits of angry rage, in which case just skip it (this means you Ms. Mathers).

Transcript of actual voicemail

2006-02-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

Names have been omitted to protect the somewhat guilty:

Hey Rob, it's ______ calling. I got your message from Sunday and I apologize for not calling back until now. It is Tuesday at uhhh... 10:45, look at that. Anyway, I'm sorry that I fucked up for last night. I know that we made plans last week, and to be honest with you it kinda slipped my mind, and I was working late last night with interviews, and when I remembered I realized I had left my phone at home and didn't have your number with me. Bad on me, and I apologize. Anyway, if you want to give me a shout tonight I'll be up for probably another hour and a quarter, and hoping we can make arrangements to meet another time, if not this week then... I'm actually going up to camp this weekend for another weekend... so, give me a shout and let me know what your schedule looks like, and we'll try to connect. Alright. Cheers.

Maybe it's the sweater

2006-01-31T07:23:00.000-08:00

So I was supposed to have a date last night. In preparation, I dressed in my favourite argyle sweater, untucked dress shirt underneath, brown pants, my new converse... basically, smoking hot (of course).

And then... well, basically, "NO AND THEN".

I must say I am a bit confused. Went on a good first date. Had good follow-up phone call. Made loose plans for last night. I called Sunday evening, as arranged, to firm up the loose plans... and no response...

Is this what the dating world has come to? Or is my sweater cursed? I ask this because the last time I tried to wear said sweater on a date, my Poor Baby heaved her last sigh and died on the side of the 401, which was also the beginning of the end of the Waterloo boy (although, on a funny side note that is along the same lines as the rest of this, we haven't ever actually broken anything off).

So it could be the sweater... but I think it is something else. Something worse.

A cursed sweater can be burned, torn, perhaps "cleansed" of its curse. The greater problem of a complete inability to communicate seems to be becoming a global epidemic. Are we becoming incapable of confrontation? Lazy? Afraid? Or am I just wearing some sort of weirdo magnet?

At any rate, a few choice lines from the movie selections I have watched this week, designed to help any readers who may be feeling dismay set in (ok, that could just be me) continue to face the effort/unbelievable agony of dating:

"You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you're outside of the foxhole you keep your dick in your pants."

"Why do we fall down, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

"But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end."

"Let's go and get the shit kicked out of us by love."

The decabration ends

2006-01-29T20:06:00.000-08:00

We laughed, we cried, we tripped to the light fantastic, but, as all things must, the decabration has come to an end.

It has been an odd week: far too much working for my tastes. But what can you do? Someone has to pay the bills, and no wealthy Matthew Goode look-alike has yet to offer me a position as a kept boy.

In celebration of decabration, I provide the following ten highlights:

1. I witnessed the most severe episode of Toronto road-rage I have ever seen when my cab driver got into a verbal altercation with a man who he had cut off, which ended with the man smashing his car repeatedly into the cab. Police reports. I think I may have to be a witness.

2. Re-instituted the "no sleep-over" rule. With mixed results. And now an on-going e-mail argument. I should be old enough to know better.

3. Had a delicious dinner at a restaurant that I don't actually know the name of because my friends and I call it "nose" (due to the large protuberance on the front where a sign should be). Apparently it is actually called "somebody's really, really good restaurant". And it lives up to that name. Although who the somebody is, I really can't recall.

4. Scored my first goal of the hockey season: about time. And it was a nice one. Backhanded, over the goalie. Sometimes I'm just so hot it hurts.

5. Met a boy. We'll see where that goes.

6. And have a job interview (hmmm, have I ever disclosed the existence of this blog to anyone at work?). Fingers crossed. Should stop talking about it so I don't jinx it. And start reading up.

7. Was introduced to a delightful breakfast place by dear friends (and loyal readers) Mike and Jess. Although the waffle iron broke while they were making my waffle, so I had to settle for french toast, but it was delicious french toast.

8. Fell in love with a new tv show: Love Monkey. Watch it. It defines me.

9. Finally got introduced to Kitchener Waterloo, although not by the boy who I thought would have been doing that introduction, but instead by my lovely sister. I consider myself single-handedly responsible for Karen Redman's re-election by the way. What were the rest of you doing while I was crusading against the religious right?

10. It is Sunday night. I have no work to do. I am watching a good movie with my roommate and her girlfriend. I miss my parents. I'm going to spend an hour on the phone with my best friend. And I haven't felt this optimistic in a very long time.

Jeff's Decabration

2006-01-18T16:09:00.000-08:00

A birthday planning message from Jeff is below. Please feel free to join us at any of these lovely events:
--------------------------------------------

Dearest friends,

Thank you for your keen interest in DECABRATION 2006, an event sure to be popular and memorable that fits in with the spirit of past decabrations.

I’m very excited to announce this year’s calendar of events. Highlights will include my birthday and Chinese New Year. It's nice to see a whole nationality being so involved with my birthday - I hope you too!

Special thanks to Robert for hosting the posting with the mosting on his blog.

Day 1 – Friday

Matchpoint – the new Woody Allen film. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is likely to take off his shirt in this one. He’s such a good guy to indulge me in my birthday. 7pm. Varsity Cinemas.

Day 2 – Saturday

Dancer pants excitement at BUDDIES. Everyone welcome, but no one is allowed to out-booty shake me. Be in line by 11 or you may be in line ‘til 12.

Day 3 – Sunday

The weather will be sunny and -4 degrees which means afternoon ice skating will be in order. Options include Nathan Phillips Square OR Harbourfront Centre. Thoughts?

Day 4 – Monday

Everyone is supposed to vote and because you can’t vote for me (I’m not running silly) you can at least vote in line with me. That means no conservatives allowed! Everyone must vote so that the most likely candidate other than the conservative bastard, um, I mean, candidate is elected. Basically that means vote Liberal unless you’re in Jack’s riding.

Day 5 – Tuesday

Korean Karaoke here we come. We’ll book a small lounge for our own private karaoke fun – well – if the Karaoke bars ever answer their phones…. 8pm.

Day 6 – Wednesday

Inside/Out Screening Committee. As per last year – much shenanigans and tomfoolery will ensue with drinks before, during, and after all the bad short films.

Day 7 – Thursday

My birthday! My actual birthday! Some of you may be a bit exhausted by the festivities but take this opportunity to refresh with dinner celebrations at Nose. RSVP so we can get reservations!

Day 8 – Friday

Fly here we come for danceCAMP. Ladies and gentlemen welcome and we’ll wave the booty shaking rule so that everyone has a good time! $5 cover before 11pm.

Day 9 – Saturday

This day is open for last minute events and/or, ahem, surprise, mmmm, plans. Shhhh…don’t tell Jeff.

Day 10 – Sunday

Historically a day of rest – it will mostly involve brunch for the die hard DECABRATORS and a chance to avoid me and my hedonism for the rest of you.

There you have it. DECABRATION 2006 is ready and waiting like a cheap, two-penny whore. Check your email for more details and RSVP to babyj_babyj@yahoo.ca ASAP. Much love to all of you and I hope to see you at least once in the next 10 days.

XOXOXOXOXO

Jeff

Some people really are just nuts

2006-01-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

Jen and I had an interesting cab ride this morning: with Mr. Politico the cab driver.

He informed us that "the only actual issue in this election is gun violence. This is not a vote for any specific party, but rather a vote for Jane Creba (15-year-old girl killed by gunfire during a Boxing Day shopping trip for anyone who might be a bit out of the news loop)".

He urged us to vote for a party that would make a difference in gun violence (good), for a party that was not opposed to the gun registry (still with you), to a party that would take a hard stance on crime (ok, sure, within reasonable limits). But then, things took a turn for the weird.

I can't possibly recount the entire 12-minute cab ride, but I will share a few choice tidbits (while in quotation marks for dramatic effect, one should expect that I am straying a bit from his actual phrasing).

"You know, these kids with guns, they should have to keep them at home. That way, when they see their enemy on the street, instead of just spraying bullets, he has to go home, and make a conscious decision. And you don't know what might happen in that time: he might meet his buddy who will say 'What you doing' and he will say 'I want to go kill this enemy', and his friend might talk him out of it, or at least tell him to do it somewhere where he won't hurt someone else by accident. It's ok if these animals shoot each other, but they need like target practice or something."

"And it's the merchants who are really involved, the merchants on Yonge Street. You know, near Elm Street. I know those people. I hear them talk. You know, you walk up that part of Yonge Street, it's dangerous. You make sure you walk on the East side of the road, by Futures. They go there, and you hear them say 'Hey man, you got any?' and the guy says 'Meet me in 15 minutes' and you know he goes into the shop. And in the roof, he takes out the pills or what, and then meets the guy and he says 'Hey buddy' and pass under the table. And the other guy says 'Oh yeah, I owe you $20'. I drive up that street sometimes and see them huddled at the corner, and you just want to throw a grenade at them. But they don't let you do that here."

And, my personal favourite:

"I'm not so worried about the weed: you know, they smoke weed and they get all relaxin', they don't go 'I smoked weed, I should go shoot somebody'. Nobody kills nobody with weed. But these kids take their ecstacy, and then they go out and kill people."

Diamond Taxi: not just a ride, an experience.

Ok, so now I'm having a full life crisis

2006-01-15T20:04:00.000-08:00

Getting a car. I REALLY DON'T NEED A CAR. And yet, it's done.

Boys are dumb (myself included). Had a great date on Tuesday, a mediocre date on Thursday, and a pretty good date on Saturday afternoon.

The great date just cancelled our second date (set for tomorrow) claiming he needed an alone day--and he didn't suggest a make up time.

I slept with the mediocre date. Cause I'm messed up.

The pretty good date was good... but I can't stop comparing him to the great date, who might just be having a down week, or else just really isn't that interested.

Did I mention that I am messed up?

Somehow... unknown to me entirely how... the car will help.

Doing what I do best... critiquing movies

2006-01-08T21:33:00.000-08:00

And so, I give you my top ten list of 2005 (subject to change as I have yet to see Walk the Line and Match Point).

1) Imagine Me & You

By far the most eventful romantic comedy I have seen in years. Brilliantly written, superbly directed, and with so much heart, it is the must-see indie film of the year. Track it down. Travel miles to see it. Just find it, it's well-worth the trouble. Plus, it contains my new hollywood boyfriend (I like to keep at least one on the go at a time), Matthew Goode.

2) Pride and Prejudice

Kiera Knightly is SO forgiven for making Domino. This is an exceptional adaptation. With rapid-fire dialogue reminiscent of David Mamet, it's Austen with a razor-sharp modern edge, and spectacular performances worth revisiting again and again.

3) A History of Violence

Creepy, emotionally resonant, and disturbingly compelling, this is a big ideas picture that kept me thinking for weeks after seeing it. Layered levels of social commentary with stunning performances by Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello, it is a superb emotionally-driven drama. One word of caution: perhaps not a date film. The sex scenes seethe with the same violence that permeates the film, and nearly put me off of the idea of sex altogether.

4) The Constant Gardener

I have been a fan of Rachel Weisz for as long as I can remember, but her nuanced portrayal in this film is almost enough to make me foresake boys altogether. The film itself is also a triumph: a gripping political story that, despite all of its grand themes, is really about love at its core. Perhaps my friend Patricia said it best when she whispered, through her sobs, "No one will ever love me like that". And it's hard to imagine anyone who could love another so unselfishly.

5) Crash

A finely acted film that takes on racism full tilt. A bit contrived in its multiple connections between characters, the film can be fogiven for taking a few liberties to fully explore its charged topic. Well written, well acted, well paced, it's the kind of film that makes you doubt there is any of the much rumoured decline in the quality of the Hollywood product.

6) Brokeback Mountain

Make room for me on the bandwagon, although I think that Jake's performance is receiving less praise than it deserves. A gay love story that is accessible to almost everyone. Do you think it would be wrong to round up the Christians shepherd style, coral them at the drive-in and make them watch it?

7) Serenity

Everything that the Star Wars prequels should have been: a highly inventive, funny, and incredibly well-paced science fiction shoot-em-up, including time relevant political commentary about the dangers of a too-powerful and too-righteous government. Superbly written and executed, it's one more piece of evidence that Joss Whedon should be worshipped and adored, and possibly handed control of all the governments of the world (ok, so I've been watching the DVD commentary... what can I say, I'm a movie geek).

8) Shopgirl

An unexpected delight, Shopgirl is one of those films that you can really relate to. Claire Danes is actually luminescent, but it's the heart with which the story proceeds that really makes it memorable. The kind of movie that takes a bit of time to get to know, but then, once you get to know it... it's fabulous.

9) Batman Begins

Leave it to Christopher Nolan (Memento, Insomnia) to darken the Batman back to an appropriate shade. Great performances, great story, great execution: even Katie Holmes is good! I'm hopeful it's the reinvention of a great franchise, but prepared to just love it as a film all its own.

10) The Squid and the Whale

Aside from the fact that this little divorce movie is a bit too close to my current job, it's a great film about the way that people can really mess themselves and each other up. Laura Linney is as wonderful as always, but it's Jeff Daniels who really surprises, playing a role so far from his past performances (anyone see Dumb and Dumber) that I was actually blown away.

Stealing from Scott

2006-01-06T13:27:00.000-08:00

After reading Scott's end of year song blog, I have chosen to steal his idea and post my own year of 2005 song. For a full and very ample explanation of the criteria, read Scott's post.

My song of the year saw me through some rough times. Heart-hardening times, in fact. And, since I've never heard of a song called "Kiss My Ass 2005", the clear winner, and only real contender is, Franz Ferdinand "Walk Away" (applause, applause).

--------

Walk Away

I swapped my innocence for pride
Crushed the end within my stride
Said I'm strong now I know that I'm a leaver
I love the sound of you walking away
Mascara bleeds a blackened tear

And I am cold
Yes, I'm cold
But not as cold as you are

I love the sound of you walking away

Why don't you walk away?
Why don't you walk away?
No buildings will fall down
Why don't you walk away?
No quake will split the ground
Why don't you walk away?
The sun won't swallow the sky
Why don't you walk away?
Statues will not cry
Why don't you walk away?

I cannot turn to see those eyes
As apologies may rise
I must be strong and stay an unbeliever
And love the sound of you walking away
Mascara bleeds into my eye

I'm not cold
I am old
At least As old as you are

As you walk away?
As you walk away
My headstone crumbles down
As you walk away
The Hollywood wind's a howl
As you walk away
The Kremlin's falling
As you walk away
Radio Four is STATIC
As you walk away

The stab of stiletto
On a silent night
Stalin Smiles
Hitler laughs
Churchill claps
Mao Tse Tung
on the back

My late 20's crisis

2006-01-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

On boxing day I suffered the first of what will likely be many late-20's crises (no doubt they will culminate the day before my 30th birthday, if anyone wants to set their TIVO to tape the news in advance).

I was boxing-day shopping with my dear friend Lisha (film critic extraordinaire) and her paramour, and I stumbled upon an unusual boxing day sale.

I asked the usual question "should I" and they, being good friends, gave their support to my random shopping decision.

What had I bought you ask? Nipple rings. Well, barbells to be exact. And yes, the piercings to go along with them.

Crazy, I know. I guess I just felt the need to do something youthful and impetuous. Could have been worse: I could have bought a car.

The perils of working from home

2006-01-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

So I started the new year with a nasty sore throat, and decided it might be an idea to try working from home.

So began the most stressful day of 2006. I have been trying to connect to my work internet for 4 hours. I have rogers cable on one line, and the IT people on the other, and every turn causes more frustration. And no doubt I have used at least 100 day-time minutes.

I should have just gone to work and made everyone else sick.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T13:38:00.000-08:00

All time favourite Christmas-movie moment:

LINUS

I didn't know it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe all it needs is a little love.

First runner up:

CLARK

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

So says McLachlin C.J.C.

2005-12-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

Apparently, swinger's sex in private clubs is perfectly acceptable in Canadian society (R. v. Labaye). My two favourite parts of this judgment are:

This appeal requires us to apply the norms developed in recent cases to the operation of clubs established to facilitate group sex, a practice colloquially referred to as "swinging".

and

As stated above, the categories of harm are not closed; in a future case other different harms may be alleged as a basis for criminal indecency. However, no other harms are raised by the evidence in this case. All that is raised, in the final analysis, is the assessment that the conduct amounted to “an orgy” and that Canadian society does not tolerate orgies. (Rochon J.A., at para. 133) This reasoning erroneously harks back to the community standard of tolerance test, which has been replaced, as discussed, by the harm-based test developed in Butler.

I conclude that the evidence provides no basis for concluding that the sexual conduct at issue harmed individuals or society. Butler is clear that criminal indecency or obscenity must rest on actual harm or a significant risk of harm to individuals or society. The Crown failed to establish this essential element of the offence. The Crown’s case must therefore fail. The majority of the Court of Appeal erred, with respect, in applying an essentially subjective community standard of tolerance test and failing to apply the harm-based test of Butler.

It is unnecessary to proceed to the second branch of the test. However, if one did, there appears to be no evidence that the degree of alleged harm rose to the level of incompatibility with the proper functioning of society. Consensual conduct behind code-locked doors can hardly be supposed to jeopardize a society as vigorous and tolerant as Canadian society.

I love my country.

Karmic payback?

2005-12-15T11:43:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, in the not-so-distant past, I left a party (possibly my own, but it adds nothing to the story if that is the case) to "catch up" with a friend who was in from Vancouver. Of course, the only catching up I did was on my sleep, as I soundly passed out, fully clothed, in his hotel room.

Fast forward to yesterday: same friend, back in town, and I had promised to make it up to him for my past sketchiness. Well, in Wiccan circles they say that your own sins are returned upon you threefold, and mine were.

Drunk off his ass, an unexpected (and quickly rebuffed) sexual attempt, followed by crying, and then vomiting. That's right, vomiting. On the other bed in his two-bed hotel room. Then more crying.

So I helped him to bed. Made sure he was on his side (and reasonably coherent). Left him a glass of water. And bailed on the weirdness.

The crying? I have no explanations. It was mostly incoherent blubbering.

While I had my own sketchiness the last time he was here, I have to say, before any comparisons are drawn, that I didn't make any moves, cry, or throw up.

Now, am I a bad person for not attempting to remove the vomit in any way?

Ah yes, and, in case you're worrying, I spoke to him today and he's not dead. Hungover. And still crying. But not dead.

My very first client

2005-12-08T12:40:00.000-08:00

So, I now have my very own, brand-spanking-new client.

The brief (non confidence-breaching) details are: common-law relationship, one child, jointly-owned home, family income in the range of $100k.

It's all very exciting.

The lawyer who "dumped" the file on me presented it to me in the following manner:

"Hey, do you have your own files yet, or are you mostly working for other lawyers?"

"No, none of my own yet. I'm mostly working..."

"Do you want one?"

"Ummm, well yeah, but I'm not sure if I'm supposed..."

"Great. I'll have my assistant send it over."

"Umm."

"Basically, it's a common-law relationship, and she contacted us a while ago to prepare a separation agreement, but then they thought that they were going to reconcile... anyway, you'll see it all in the file. Have your assistant set up a consultation with her next week."

"Umm."

"She's a bit of a disaster. Good luck with that !"

Anyway, after reviewing the limited information it's all very messy looking. So my first file may also end up being my first trial.

Now if I can just delay that long enough until I am actually competent to run a trial...

All I'm going to say is...

2005-12-05T07:08:00.000-08:00

... 7 times in 5 hours.

Bruce who?

Yeah, if only it were that easy.

Sharing my new word

2005-12-01T09:29:00.000-08:00

mo·ten·tial ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-tnshl)

adj.
1. Capable of being, but not yet in existence, a 'mo (short form for "homosexual"); latent: a motential flamer.
2. Having gay possibility, gay capability, or the power to go gay.
3. Grammar. Of, relating to, or being a verbal construction with auxiliaries such as may or can; for example, s/he may shop, s/he may give face.

n.
1. The inherent ability or capacity for properly dressing, lisping, or coming out of the closet.
2. Someone/thing possessing the capacity for homosexuality.
3. Grammar. A potential verb form.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Middle English potencial, from Old French potenciel, from Late Latin potentilis, powerful, from Latin potentia, power, from potns, potent- present participle of po, to be able, and from Middle English homosexual, of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.]

At long last, sleep

2005-11-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

For the first time in weeks I slept... not for long enough it turns out, but still, a step in the right direction.

Maybe the turning of my bed has improved the energy in my room. Or perhaps it is the looming prospect of ex-sex, distracting me.

When I told a friend that I was planning "ex-sex" as part of my weekend trip to Windsor, his response was something along the lines of "whoa, dangerous". Which surprised me. Because, when I think about it, ex-sex has been a long-standing possibility for me with multiple exes (please don't punish me great Fate for putting that in print, by taking it away. I do not mean it in an hubristic fashion, but merely as a starting point for discussion). Little did I know there is a whole world of literature out there about the "dangerous" prospect of ex-sex (try googling the term "ex-sex", or just see the article hyperlinked above).

I began to wonder what it was that made him think "DANGER". I suppose ex-sex could be dangerous if you still had feelings for the person, but, then again, I usually do still have feelings for the boy in question. That's why I want to see him again. Chances are, if I'm treading back down that path, it's because that ex means something to me still... I wouldn't be attracted to him if he didn't.

I guess for me it's just a question of knowing that he is in the past. A certain amount of distance, and the knowledge that, no matter how much he meant at one time or another, we are not right for each other in the cosmic sense. We are people who had an important impact on each other in another time in our lives, and, frankly, if it was the best sex we ever had (I should say, "I" ever had, as we don't want to be too presumptuous), then what should stop us from taking a minor physical trip down memory lane once in a while?

Exes are comfortable, easy. They already know what you like, what you don't, how to read you. There is no fumbling, no confusion, no disasterous tongue-in-ear or face-licking moment.

And perhaps I have now hit upon the true danger of them: they are a bad crutch for a person in need of a confidence boost following a disasterous affair. Underlying "comfort" is the fact there is no rejection, no break-up, and no insomnia.

The bed is cursed I tell you

2005-11-28T19:44:00.000-08:00

So my bed collapsed today. Unexpectedly. No apparent reason. It is now pieced back together, but I am currently looking at it with fear and expectation that it will swallow me whole, Freddy Kruger style, while I sleep.

The emotional negativity has now manifested in physical reactions.

So, I have turned the bed, and faced it another direction in the hopes that this will make some sort of difference. But if you do not hear from me for a few days, chances are it got me.

Best opening line in a Supreme Court judgment this year

2005-11-26T11:58:00.000-08:00

"In any constitutional climate, the administration of justice thrives on exposure to light -- and withers under a cloud of secrecy."

- Fish J. in Toronto Star Newspapers Ltd. v. Ontario

The only good thing about working on a Saturday is that you have the time to appreciate the little things in life ;)

Christmas wish list

2005-11-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

Although, slightly tacky, I am posting a good ol' Christmas wish list for easy reference. What can I say? I like presents.

I have also been asked by my dear friend Lisa Pagano to include more detail in my blogs about my daily life. For example: what I ate for breakfast; what kind of a latte I had; what I was wearing. So I am going to start by being very detailed about the potential Christmas gifts listed below, some of which involve lattes and things that I might soon be wearing ;)

Socks: I know, odd request, but I like cool socks.
Headphones: my ipod ones are dying slowly. I would like some cool noise dampening types.
Scarf and toque, in the charcoal grey range of colour.
A new hoodie, preferably American Apparel. And in a colour.
A new spatula.
Red wine.
Art for apartment.
Pretty much anything from Northbound leather.
A replacement for "Mr. Special Occasions" who suffered a devestating death this year.
A jeep... or a mini...
A cool gym bag, so that I can stop feeling like a loser without a cool gym bag. And perhaps be inspired to attend the gym...
Jared Padalecki.
New bed sheets/pillow cases/duvet cover to attempt to change my bed karma.
Anything else that might be able to change my bed karma.
Brown knit mittens or gloves that can go with my brown scarf and toque.
New towels: big soft fluffy ones, in bath size.
Illy coffee (the espresso kind).
Some kind of bathroom clock.
A good quality electric razor for the shaving of the head.

Please feel free to check back for frequent updates. I almost feel as though I should be designing this like a wedding register... people could anonymously post what they have purchased! ;)

Alright, I will now just be thankful to receive any gifts from any loving people who want to purchase/make them for me.

The Weirdest Things To Win

2005-11-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

I won the most interesting prize at the Gala for Gay and Lesbian Appeals last night: a weekend at a bed and breakfast in Toronto called "the Bent Inn"

A BDSM B & B. That's an awful lot of letters. Anyway, might be kind of fun to explore the "equipment", but far more practical if I had someone to explore the equipment with. I will be accepting resumes and 8 x 10 glossies for the next seven days ;)

Since you slept in my bed, no rest can I find there

2005-11-23T07:16:00.000-08:00

I've been having trouble sleeping for some time--pretty much since the "big night" as it will now be known (although, maybe we should call it the not-so-big night).

I have come to the conclusion that it is very dangerous to attach more meaning to something than the other person involved.

I don't know, I'm not feeling particularly eloquent today. I have random thoughts about expectations and relationships and disappointment bouncing about my head, but no clear ability to phrase the jumble into readable expression.

So a jumble they will remain. Kind of like my bed this morning, which I didn't make for the first time in as long as I can remember. It just sort of seemed fitting to leave it in shambles. Representative of its place in my life.

Two television related points that seem somehow relevant to helping you, dear reader, figure out the above:

1) Jen and I were watching a show called Weeds the other day: the premise is Mary Lousie Parker has lost her husband, and is having difficulty coping. There is a scene where she watches a home movie of her and her husband fooling around in bed one morning. The camera cut to her face, and my only thought was "I never want to feel that way". Who knew I was so pain aversive. Still, considering the punch-to-the-gut feeling of a much less serious loss recently, I'm not sure I could handle the real thing at all.

2) Beds are an interesting part of our life. Miranda's bed karma motto from Sex and the City "if you build it, he will come". And this bizarre show called G Spot, where the main character buys a new bed after every lover. I feel like I might need a new one myself. At least my current one doesn't seem to be granting me any rest.

Maybe there is something left in a bed that has been shared. Some part of another person's energy. A feeling like someone else was almost there. Almost fit there. And how do you deal with that? Besides getting a new bed...

New pic... don't I look cute? ;)

2005-11-15T08:09:00.000-08:00

You Can Never Go Home

2005-11-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

It took me approximately 10 seconds to remember why I can never again live in Calgary. Although I miss family, friends, fresh air... there is just no way to return to the small-minded town where I grew up.

The starting point: an editorial in the Calgary Herald that suggested that gay "activists" have an insidious agenda, and that they are succeeding in spreading it, while poor, downtrodden, christian mouthpieces are stifled by the Charter of Rights and Freedoms and provincial human rights legislation. It seems some former preacher got into some trouble over a letter published in a Red Deer newspaper about the "gay lifestyle" being unwholesome, scientifically hazardous to the participants, and morally hazardous to everyone else.

This particular editorial simply furthered those comments, under the guise of a discussion about human rights legislation stifling rights to free speach, talking about the scientifically unsafe sexual practices of "the homosexuals", and inferring that all gays everywhere frequent bathhouses, and want to corrupt youth.

One flip through the newspaper, less than a minute of my day, and I'm reminded of my birthplace's narrow-minded prejudices.

I'm not sure that's even the right way to describe it. It's more a refusal to change, even though that isn't correct either. Perhaps, a blind faith that the way things have always been is the way that they SHOULD always be. A certain lack of awareness... actually, more a wilful blindeness... of the hypocrisy with which they lead their lives. And this ridiculous belief that they can talk to you about these things... "oh no, not you, you're not a bathhouse user, just those other gays". A ridiculous refusal to release prejudices even when faced with people they know who do not conform to those prejudices.

Tomorrow I must attend a christian wedding in Lethbridge, Alberta. A friend from undergrad, who I knew before I came out, and who was surprisingly supportive and loving, while always finishing every sentence with "but I still think what you're doing is wrong". Why I'm going, I'm not sure. Maybe I have too much faith in people... believe that somehow the years will have changed opinions, opened minds (it has been my experience that years in this province tend to do the opposite, to close them, and yet I go). At any rate, there's only one way to find out.

Boys Suck

2005-11-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

It was probably my own fault... why bring up the what are we doing conversations, but the other option was to writhe in agony daily, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So I chose to pull on the shoe, and it landed right on top of me. That sick-to-the-gut flattened feeling that can only be accomplished by someone you have decided you really like telling you you're going too fast. Coming on too strong.

Which I think really means not all that interested. But then, why not just say that? Why not just end it?

A former boyfriend once told me that I was too complicated. He was dating someone else, and things with him were just... simpler. My reaction was "simple, how boring! Who would want simple?" I now kinda want simple.

Poor Baby's untimely passing

2005-11-03T13:27:00.000-08:00

My dearest automobile has passed this week. I am still in shock I think. She was such a good creature... smelling of musty old automobile smells and hockey equipment, but I must admit to myself that her time had probably come. She will go off to a better place. Car heaven. No, I mean that literally... I am donating her to Car Heaven, a program to get old automobile off the street and keep the air clean.

Perhaps she will be happy there. Perhaps she will simply be torn apart for scraps. Either way, I'd prefer not to think about it.

Despite my rants...

2005-10-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

... I now have a blog. I did this because my parents chose to create a blog while they are travelling that refuses to accept anonymous posts. Silly parents.

So, I will use this blog only for evil. Or at least for the proliferation of my own random thoughts, fascist ideologies, and film reviews. Perhaps it will be therapeutic, as I generally rant in a way that can only be described as "Cocks-like". And every ranter/rebel leader/secret movie critic needs an outlet.

Ah yes, and I will marry the first boy who can place the movie references in my blog titles. If he's hot, that is.

2005-10-27T09:46:00.000-07:00

Hat